Ghurkins, Another Money Saving Option

Hi Everyone

Well, our new Chancellor appeared with his small red case to deliver his budget this week. Exciting, wasn’t it? This man, who lives in Nottingham, decided to deliver his own assessment of the event. Apparently he has worked as a supermarket shelf stacker for over forty years and was dreaming of the day when he could put his feet up and enjoy a peaceful retirement. He had always expected that he would have to work until he was sixty seven, but after this week’s budget announcements Derek realised that his future had taken a dramatic turn for the better. Firstly, there was the extra £100 in help with energy costs this winter, followed by a saving of £2 per month on everyday groceries like gherkins, baked beans and marmalade. As you know, we have a glut of apples at the moment, but I am struggling to imagine how gherkins and baked beans will work in with our present diet, so no saving there for us. Armed with his calculator, Derek spent a couple of hours on financial planning, cancelling various subscriptions like Netflix, Help the Aged, Battersea Dogs Home and agreeing to reuse his teabags. The result was a life changing discovery. He could now afford to leave his job at 4-00pm on his final working day instead of 5-00pm. As Derek said “ I never thought I would see the day. I’ve worked hard all my life, and now the government has given me something i never thought possible. An extra hour of freedom”. Derek plans to use his extra hour of freedom watching half an episode of Vera, and possibly treating himself to a digestive biscuit. “ People say that money cannot buy happiness, but it’s just bought me 60 minutes of it”. 

Last Saturday at our football stadium, a local sporting hero was interviewed pitchside. He then came to near where my friend and I were sitting to acknowledge the fans who were chanting his name. He then took a selfie of himself with the fans behind him, with my world famous green jacket and my friend in full view. I then posted the photo to a group of friends asking if they could name three famous people. All of them found my friend and me, but only one recognised the local sporting hero. It just goes to show that if you live long enough and wear the same jacket for the last twenty years, fame can be yours.  

This week we have two important events. Here we celebrate Guy Fawkes Night with bonfires and fireworks. Fortunately, he did not manage to blow up the Houses of Parliament; otherwise Derek from Nottingham would not be able to enjoy his sixty minutes of freedom. On the other side of the pond, Americans are voting in their midterm elections, in the hope that some semblance of normality will prevail. It really matters to millions outside the US so that people can pay their energy bills while enjoying two digestive biscuits before sleeping safely in their beds. The last thing we need is bonfires and fireworks unless Trump blows up his ballroom on the way out.  

Just a Thought:

My friend has found the recipe for happiness. Can somebody send him some money so that he can buy the ingredients?

My friend’s young son was playing football in his garden this week when he tripped over his own feet. He lay lay on the floor for five minutes screaming and rolling about like he’d been beaten up. His father is so proud of him as he relealised that one day he would be playing in the Premier league. 

Only one man has ever entered Parliament with honest intensions. Guy Fawkes

Brian